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.bb THE SLOAN RANGER'S LAMENT
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As I rode out through the streets of Laredo
I rode to the airport from Laredo one day
Up spoke the young fellow a-driving the taxi
He looked academic as I do today.

I see by your name tag that you are from Stanford
These words he did say as my suitcase he got
I'll turn off the meter and tell you my story
Pay heed to my warning if perish you'd not

'Twas once to Sloan meetings I used to go dashing
From Stanford to Amherst, I dashingly went.
In conference proceedings, appeared twenty papers
But to the mere journals, nothing was sent.

I spoke on my thesis at a conference in Tokyo,
Then I rode a jet plane to a congress in Bonn
Each year in Geneva, I conducted a workshop,
Till back at Laredo my six years were gone.

I came up for tenure at Laredo State College
The linguists all said, "He's a promising lad.
He's read twenty papers at the Sloan meetings.
Three are quite good and none are real bad".

The philosophy chairman, he told the same story,
As did the AI'ers, psychologists too.
But the dean was unmoved as he sat there in silence.
Till he said: "I see nothing that's passed peer review".

"Publish or perish", I knew was the watchword
For all whose first love is the study or lab,
But publish in journals and not in proceedings
If tenure you'd win and not drive a cab.

Epilogue:

Although the dean says I won't do for Laredo,
He gave me a chance to revive my career,
His answer to Gardner told just part of my story,
And so out at CASBS, I'll see you next year.